life is like a dream..


I'll never expect my life could change in just a day..
sometimes, life is so unexpected
i understand the pain that my dad had gone through, more or less
8 years of dialysis, every week poking the veins 3 times, for 8 years
health slowly deteriorating..
heart problems, strokes, leg amputations
imagine that it would have happened on me, i would feel the same
i would rather die.
he suffered for so long..
finally, he gets to rest in peace
it was a kind of feeling, to hold your father who had just passed away
somehow, that moment, i just wanted to call 995 and start to rescue him,
but that was not his wish, he had already given up hope on himself
nah, nobody could blame him for the decision he made
he suffered enough.
so there i was, with one hand holding his head and the other holding his shoulders
yes, the comforting is that he went off peacefully
he didnt struggle, he didnt resist
thats the moment when i wanted him back, but i can't be selfish
just like this, my whole life's gonna change,
for the better or for the worst? i dont know
im kinda sitting beside his coffin now,
i chose this place
i just wanted him to feel my presence, and let him know that i grew up
i definitely can take care of myself
we never talked much to each other
maybe because i inherited his genes of not expressing things through words.

Rest In Peace, Daddy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqjgLbKZ1h0&list=FLn-RY5CPH9p5b1SeF2ZmoLw&index=1&feature=plpp_video

wow. HAHA!http://sgbluechip.blogspot.com/2011/11/common-law-is-law-for-common-man-3.html

Believe me, this is the best scene i've ever watched.

hi there
its been so long since i last blog
well, how's life?
hmm.. still bearable?
but there is one thing just there

here, i have lost my will and determination to study
im not sure why
but i just dont have that self discipline inside me anymore
i used to have it so much during my 'o' lvls period,
but now, its like *pooof* and its all gone
i've just failed 2 modules, now if i failed the same module for the second time,
im gonna really say bye bye to my poly life and my dip cert
yea, i sensed the emergency here
but nothing's moving
i wish i could get over with m poly life soon and graduate with a poly cert and thats it
i arent gonna study anymore
i seems so hard, dont know why
once, my mum told me that a fortune teller said that i wouldnt have much of a achievement in my life
the best i could attained was a word 'manager'
i want to prove everyone wrong, but it just wont move

nothing's progressing...

Sometimes I feel that I'm just a normal useless idiot who got touch by mere actions and words.
Oh, and that's how weak I am, fuck.

Thinking back, giving without asking for return, is this something that a human could achieve?
No, I don't think so.
Deep in your heart, there is this part of it that ask for returns when you start giving.
Maybe I am like that.
I dunno.
But for 1 thing that I know, when I give, I asked for something else.
I asked for replies.
Things like a simple 'thanks' to a complicated 'I love you too'
Its always what I wanted deep in my heart.
And I know foremost that I want something sincere and what really comes out from your heart.

If you can't take what you are giving, then don't give in the first place.
Its not fun, and sometimes its hurtful.

Right now, I feel like superior over a pariah. And I'm that pariah.
Yea, I don't mind becoming a pariah, but can it be all pariahs instead?
I want everyone of the same rank.
Now its like I'm being controlled on what I as a pariah shouldn't do while the superior is doing everything I shouldn't do.
Its unfair.

Sometimes I always wonder, am I living a life for myself or a life for people?
Why at times when I should be selfish I couldn't and at times when I shouldn't I became so selfish.
I'm trying hard. :(
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Why can't YOU be the same?
I don't like this feeling..
I'm hanging on there for the last bit that I could. :(
Give me some motivation, some motivation that could keep me holding there.
Grab me.. :(( I don't wna fall. :'(((

WHATS LOVE?



hi peeps! today we're gonna talk bout love
whats love?
okay if you guys are thinking bout those things that a 15 year old would write then you are wrong
im not gonna discuss that here
kay, lets start off with a sentence
its a sentence thats been quite frequently brought out of my head.

"Look in a person's face/eyes for 3minutes. you"ll realise you've fallen in love with her"

how true is this statement?
maybe this statement seems a bit too over.
lets change the 3minutes to 5minutes
and did i state.. oh no, i didnt
i believe in this statement
not that i've try it, but somehow i think it could most likely be true
the more you look at the person, the more you'll feel that he/she isnt that bad after all
that he/she isnt that ugly at all
and im talking bout looking in the real face, not photo
worst case scenario is that yes, the person is ugly
but then you'll start to notice at least 1 thing in him/her that makes you feel 'woah!'
yes, maybe this one is cause i've experience it before
thats why i could say this
CAUTION!
those with bf/gf/husband/wife, dont try this experiment anywhere
it isnt tested on and its dangerous
you'll never know what you'll get from your spouse the next moment

okay, lets come to some scenario thingy

"If 2 person of the opposite sex are trap in a cave with each other, do you think they would develop love?"

what do you think?
lets say that food supply and water supply is unlimited
first of all, i think we need to find the definition of love
aww, its like going back to being a 15year old kid
nah.. lets go into the possible outcome
err.. i think most prob they would be together as a couple
there is possible reasons why
1: love at first sight. aww.. thats sweet
2: gradual love w.r.t time. aww.. thats sweet too, increasing of love daily.
3: for sex? well, i am here to say, NOT ONLY MAN! women are horny too, its just that they dont show.
i guess when you're stuck inside the cave you'll have nothing to do. so? maybe everyday find some entertainment (which is the other only one alive beside),
have fun, explore, groan, moan, shout, scream, nobody cares and nobody will hear (if somebody heard means they are safe and will be rescued? sorta killing 2birdies with a stone huh!)
then off course, have babies which then give them more responsibilities and aims in life
ohh, and why did i turn my post into this.
uhh.. okay lets say some other things

i got myself a blackberry bold 9000 recently. :)
and i was thinking, why the heck doesnt everyone has a bb?
i think i know why
the apps in bb isnt as nice as those in apple store
things like SG buses and stuff, all bb dont have
boring
but well, i still love my bb, so nice to type. :)

oh ya!
recently there's this raping craze.
lots of people are going around raping people's phone
dont know why, victimSSS are reported
and i am one of them
imagine taking back your phone from someone you lend only to see your messages had been scrolled to the day before
yea, i definitely feel FUCK UP
one whole day's message kena rape
try that on yourself, dude.

my dad's changed
now, he treats life more preciously
he treat his loved ones more preciously now
last time when i came home he used to say
"you"re back ar? aiiyaa!"
or when im coming home for dinner he'll say
"you coming home for dinner? yes ar? aiiyaa!!"
now, when i come back, he would say
"you're home? im happy, like that then got people pei me and your mama"
and recently, he's been talking to me more and more
wanting to start having a convo with me
yea, he knew whats going on, and i think i do know whats going on too
its making me feel more guilty
sometimes i wish he could just care me less

anyway, once, i was in bus
and i notice this couple since they were in front of me
i notice how the girl was holding the guy
yea, sometimes, its actually possible to see how close the couple is
as in not those kind of i love you you love me more
as in physically close
yea, i guess everybody knows what im talking
and you cant deny the fact by EEEEEEE-ing
yea, sometimes the more you observe the more you notice something and the more you see
yea

well, its the second week of school
and.. ohh
i dont feel like talking bout school and my life now, maybe later?
shall post till here.

well, today made me realise some things
now i know that i will jerk while i sleep.
why? dunno. i have no idea bout that until nana told me so
maybe its cause im too tired or something?
or maybe it only happens when i sleep upright instead of lying?
oh yea, and work is tiring
pure tiring this 2 days
i thin i use too much strength the wrong way
now my back ache
the back bone there de muscle like kena stretched too much.
sleep also feel gao weh
whole day move things, like those house movers that you call to help you move your house and furniture like that.
move until there pain there bleed
knn sia.
ya KOI again
recently got this KOI craze huh
oh ya! i managed to stole on polo tee home! :)
this one is a nicer one!

okay okay, lets say out what i was thinking then
well, i study in a science course.
yea, a 100% SCIENCE COURSE.
and yes, I AM A SCIENCE STUDENT.
but i dont think i look/seem/behave like one.
for a simple reason
i think i've got more things to do (which i haven even touch) than a course with maybe 70% or less science modules
yea, and i looked so relax when people around me are all stressing up with projects, studies and assignments
more ever, what makes things worst is that i cant believe i cant 100% know, understand and interpret a simple sentence in the sentence i read just now
yea, im a science student, and if i ever asked anyone from my course and ask him/her what that sentence is about, everybody would know how to explain everything
i guess only me dont know anything
and im thinking, where can i go after i graduate
people say as long as you get the diploma, people dosent look at your gpa unless university admission.
but today, i realise that logically thinking, this arent the case for a science student
so what if you get a diploma with a gpa of 1.0?
even if i manage to get a work, i cant perform well!
i dont even know the basics till now.
i think if the company is on retrenchment, the first one they will sack is me.
im not being pessimistic, but im just facing the facts of the real world
but what can i do now?
yea, there is a lot i can do now, whether i want to start it or not only.

last 2 days,i remembered one thing
one thing that strikes me suddenly
i remembered how i was used to be given false hope the whole of this year.
everytime, as usual, then it became like my fault
everybody then starts seeing me differently, like im a bad boy
yea, part of it was my fault, but most of it arent.
now, i just want to try my best to avoid all those things.

well, its time to blog.
a week ago, i almost forgot the existence of my blog
until recently
lets start with the thing that i least wanted to face in life.
studies
well, first,
hows my timetable? everyone will ask
well, im giving almost everyone a different ans than they expected
i have a damn bloody relaing timetable
im taking only 4 modules this sem
one repeating module, one module is what im suppose to take last sem,
and 2 new modules
well, plus a events management IS module as well
so how am i faring in the week?
i would say, bad
im not one who would always approach people
im not one who's always that friendly
so well, its like living my life fearing each class i go to everyday
without people i know/know really well
i have to face every class with courage
to bear the stares people look at me with
yea, its weird
imagine a new guy coming to a class
everybody knows each other well
except me
nobody knows me and i dont know anybody
well, but i guess looking on the bright side,
i may be able to make more friends?
and maybe as the week goes by the fear would be gone?
who ask me not to study hard in the first place.
too bad!

well, i thought of an interesting question while i was in practical today
people say human used to be derived from monkeys right?
and the prokaryotes and eukaryoyes doesnt differentiate themselves instantly
homo sapiens and drosophila doesnt appear from no where.
so the question is,

" DOES EVERYTHING DERIVES FROM AN ORIGIN??"

lets take homo sapiens for example
they are said to be derived from monkeys
so the question is whether we really came from monkeys?
however, i heard a very good comment from my band section mates

"IF WE ARE TO DERIVE FROM MONKEYS, THEN WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THE METAMORPHOSIS EVEN NOW!"

yes, thats it, if it takes million of years for a monkey to become a human, then we should be seeing the process like now!
there isnt really any reason that i can think of.
one 20%human looks and 80% monkey looks will will mate and form offspring?
they cant be rejected due to their face since humans are able to form
there must be succcessful matings occuring.
well, maybe when i grow up i can find the answer??
who knows?
maybe you are looking at a blog of a future mad scientist with Einstein's hair!
well, FAT HOPE!

will this be the end of everything?
as time goes by, people change.
they tend to move away from their partners
especially when they are faced with a new environment, new people

lots happen recently, until i dont wanna face life
lets start with my studies

well, i failed 1 module again.
which means i would definitely be graduating one semester later than everybody
my timetable next sem is okay
you know qhy i said okay? cos im like taking some shit modules
much much different from everyone else
well, what can i do? work hard
whether i will shall depends on when i start having aims in life

well, other then studies, i've been working my life away
everyday work work work and work
i dont know why i like working so much
maybe because it lets me hide myself from the real situation in life
maybe its because of the friends there
i realise most people who work there continued working because of friends
yes, i half of the reason i work is because of the friends there
everyday i work, i see lots of friends
talking cock, laughing, and chionging and sweating together
its something you wont forget in your whole life living in this world
i've never regret working in the first place
and i think i owe yuliana, ervina and jiahui a thanks for bringing me in. :)

i've been thinking of my blog
living my life without regrets
i've been asking myself and revising again
have i regret anything in my life
now, my answer is a NO
why?
yes, i used to regret one incident that happened in my life that i had the ability to actually prevent it from happening
but i thought to myself, if that incident never happens,
i would never have learn my strength and weaknesses
i would never had know myself better
i would never had treasure myself and people around me more
yea, people are selfish
everyone cant deny that they are somewhat selfish
but at least an improvement is better than getting worst

there is a moment in time when i was thinking of why do people drift apart unknowingly and suddenly?
maybe because things arent the same and the way its used to be anymore
learn to accept and move on.
and i learned a good phrase from my bandmates
nah, its not something sarcastic, but its really something i would want to remind myself

Life goes on.

no matter what happens, continue to live your life like how you want it to be. :)

well there's a whole lot of other things that i thought i wont want to post.
so, i shall sign off here. :)