well well, today while at the si ma lu bai bai, i realise something
i sort of give up hopes on myself
now, i wish for people around me and not myself
whenever i pray, i pray for the best of people around me
but seldom do i really pray for myself
is it that i lost hope in my religion?
or is it that i really gave up hope on myself?

often, i tell myself this:
no matter how useless i get, i must not affect the people around me
i cannot influence them to the bad side
i must contain the badness within my own self
no matter what, no one around me must follow my path

however, sometimes i become selfish
i want to actually share something in my life
i wna share my life with my loved ones
but in this state, i thought 'will i be a bad influence?'

well, so therefore, i've decided that if i were to share my life successfully,
i will try my very best to be a better person
to be how hardworking qiping once used to be
to to live my life without any regrets
thats what i will try to do

I wish i am better at my English
i wish i am better in my words expression
i wish i could easily think of words to say to you
how i wish i could express myself so easily,
and not forgetting what to say every time our eyes met
finding words to say on the spot isnt my type either
how i wish i have the ability to do that
but i will try my best,
my very best to make you smile as happily as you could whenever we talk
to tell you my whole life..

There's always a brighter side in life we can look forward to.
Its just that the light is small, dim and difficult to find.
that is why we became so negative and depressed.

Its true that there is always a ray of light shining somewhere inside the darkness
but sometimes, we see it and refuse to walk towards it
why is this so?

looking on the bright side of life is a good thing.
being optimistic,
but sometimes, it becomes being too optimistic,
thats why we fall into traps and holes

sometimes i tried to be optimistic
but its not like i could do it everytime
one of my weakness in life as a human is sometimes not being able to be optimistic enough
and the other is being a little too paranoid.
one more other is linked is not getting that sense of security easily

this few days, i thought of how life meant to me
what i wanna achieve in life
how will people be affected if i were to get an aim or a purpose in life
well, if i were to get one, i would definitely have been a more confident man

i want everything in life to go smoothly
yes, now my life is quite smooth,
thats because im walking on endless flat land when people around me are climbing mountains
i would be having a smooth life, people around me would have a hard life with lots of bumps and obstacles
however, in the end, they will achieve something
they will reach the top of the mountain and die with their names carved on the mountain itself
while me, i will achieve nothing
continuing walking on the endless land and die being a nothing.

i realise i need someone to care about me
i need someone who would be there for me when im in need
appear out of nowhere when im lonely
a shoulders for me to lie on,
a lips to smile at me,
a body for me to hug on,
a heart for me to cherish on
well, that was just a wishful thought..

WTF sia!!
Majiam coughing my throat out and sneezing my brain out la!! :(((((

sometimes when you are feeling down, weak and aimless
you wish you had someone to hang on to
to give you hope and happiness
to share your sorrow and sadness

hugging tight, not letting go
sometimes, your pillow is the best closest thing you can ever get.

i owed everyone a sorry.
here, i apologize.
sorry.
its my fault.
if im blame for your poor grades, or your bad studying environment, i will take it
i have to admit, its my fault
if i had not been lazy, this would not happen

bus journey is the best way for self reflection
i had mine when i was in the bus just now
it made me having no mood for anything
i guess, my blog is the only place i would dare to throw out everything thats in me

i was thinking of how responsible i'd been for the pass year
i wasnt good
i had never fulfill any of my responsibilities as anything..
the responsibility of being a treasurer, a leader, a student, a son..
non of that i've accomplished to a minimal requirement
wondering aimlessly everyday, having no aim in life
i dont want that life..
but i never know what to do with myself, how to push myself.
i wanted something fresh in my life where i can look forward to every tomorrow..
but thats more of an excuse..
its no difference from waiting for money to drop down from the sky
now im lost..

so dont feel like it anymore..

i want a person whom i can throw out everything thats in my mind almost everyday..
without even feeling the guilt that im disturbing her life..
without even having the worries that i will become his irritant..
i dont like the feeling of keeping things inside anymore..

My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)

Lets talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?

Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they

But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the stuff that you do?

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one

It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

He was everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

All of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it

All of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)

(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)


everytime i hear this song on my playlist, it makes me feel different
somehow, this song is a prove to myself of a once innocent and pure me..
its a song worth listening..

i want a ring, a ring for me to wear, another for my girl.


well, things arent as interesting as it is these few days,
although there were some days in life i looked forward to
life's still as miserable overall, still as aimless..