i have LOTS to say.
gonna update here soon.

i miss the sound of the laughter
i miss the face of the laughter
i miss that expression
i miss that happiness
and i think that is what i have been missing in my life for the week..

sometimes, you just need a little something
sometimes a kiss, a hug, a grip, even just plain looking with a smile can cure all sadness and griefs
it just feel so comfort
sometimes, without even realizing, it just made your day

well, sometimes you think and imagine too much
making yourself fall into a state of utopia
yea, you believe things will always go so smoothly?
as smooth as you think?
without even any obstacles?
WAKE UP!
PINCH YOURSELF! SMACK YOURSELF! WHACK YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE WALL! CUT YOURSELF!
MAKE YOURSELF WAKE UP!
you will realise everything you thought about is so far from reality
maybe, you'll even realise you are the only one walking on this path, without even anyone by your side
without the ones you wanted by your side
you'll suddenly feel like an idiot
yea, dont give up, continue on, you'll see the light/rainbow at the end of the road
thats what people will say
you believe?
yea, i believe, you will see the rainbow
in a matter of time, thats something you'll wanna add.
ask yourself, in real life, how many times do you exactly see a rainbow?
yea, sometimes its good to be optimistic, but how long can you remain staying that way?
okay, lets stop
i am suppose to be OPTIMISTIC!

well, here i am blogging again
well, i was suppose to wake up at 930 this morning
but in the end i set off my alarm clock and went back to sleep
the next moment i opened my eyes was already 1230
i was suppose to meet them at 11 -.-
so, i just bathed and went out of my house to meet them at marine parade centra
went to giant to buy tibits, then to mac to buy 2 macchicken since its cheap and then KOI!
after that then meet they all at some dessert shop, in the end i wasnt the only one late, everyone was ate. :D
went to east coast to sit down picnic while waiting for people to come
and then to cycling! :)
this was like my maybe 5th time cycling?
and my worst time, cos i fell down :(
i was trying to push myself to see how fast i can really cycle, then i like lost my balance and PHEW!
i went down, :((
went down all on my left and even rolled one round. :(((
how i know i rolled? cos by right i was suppose to stop where my body weight lies, but then i was sorta forced by the impact to turn
damn!
hurts like hell
left hand, left arm, left hip, left knee cap and my leg all kena
my slippers detached (and thats my less than 5days of wearing it)
but i fixed it back anyway. :)
cycled to the toilet to wash myself.
ouch, pain sia
was trying to act brave like a man
but its really pain
felling pain when turning my hand now. :(

well, so much of the sad story,
dinner time went to swensens!
ordered chicken in a basket and my food was the last to come
basket.
and not very nice also, the flour got one smell i dont like
just ate for the sake of filling my stomach
had a fun time, and i guess photos will be up soon
but i thought i looked a bit thick on my hair
:((
like some stupid mushroom hairstyle like that.
aw shit, gotta cut my hair again
well, anyway, thats all ba. :)

well, im sort of feeling being a dragg to everyone and disturbing other people's life.
so, i shall post what i want to say here

well, one good thing that i think went well today was: I BOUGHT A NEW SLIPPERS FINALLY!!! :)
its after like months and months of all talk no action, i finally bought it

this is how the story goes
since my classmates all jio me to seoul garden to eat after my last paper, i decided to dress more formally
actually i wanted to wear jeans (luckily i didnt) plus a formal top
then i think, aiiyaa, lazy la, so just wear normal
then decided to actually wore shoes instead of slippers like i usually do
then when our paper all finish already,, it rained heavily
by he time we get to the bus stop, my shoes were all damn damn wet
and i feel a bit gao weh with it
so when i went to taka with them, i decided to buy a new pair of slippers
in the end went to new urban male to buy (yeah, you guessed it) a black slipper
minutes before i bought im really feeling a little itchy and awkwardness all around inside my shoe
and, well, after that was blah blah blah blah blah~~
i can go on talking for a thousand word essay, but lets stop here
in the evening i went to visit my dad in the hospital
yea, why he went to the hospital? long story.
and while sitting down beside his bed, i looked diagonally across and saw this man
from my view, i can really see that his days are sorta.. numbered, sadly to say
he was on oxygen mask
then i actually thought to myself: what will my life be like if one day i get admitted into the hospital?

surely, i wont want my mum to come and visit me regularly, she've got better things to do
i definitely wont be clinging and dependent on my mum
i will hope she come visit me less often since im big enough to actually take care of myself
and if i had no injuries in my legs and can walk i think i wont be in bed the whole day
i will end up walking around the hospital, finding some nice scenery place where i can sit down and enjoy and think of things. :)
best to have someone to talk to, but i wont want myself to be too reliable and dependent
so, i shall skip that
having someone to actually eat dinner with me smiling, okay, skip that too
for some of my friends to visit me randomly?
that would be nice, to have people to actually kill my time and where i could talk cock
and well, many many more, half of them which i prefer to skip

so what if im in those kind of seriously state like inside intensive car or dependently relying on oxygen mask?
well, if i've got the energy left in me, i think within 10 days some wires that are connected to me will break off
reason? i cant stay still
and well, i will be seeing people visiting me while i grasping for breathe?
well, lets not think about it
one day when this happens i will know what will be life inside

there, monday im going for injection for my F1 work. :)
and also bring that indian for interview?
well, lets see how ba. :)

i guess there isn't a second place for me to throw out my thoughts
my mind is exploding, but i just couldn't find someone to talk to about
you may be one, but i can't bring myself to talk about it to you
it's just not right everywhere
i guess sometimes, that's life..

there, i completed 3 papers and having the last one to go
wednesday will be my last paper
how am i feeling?
well, not so bad
neither am i feeling very excited like what i will tell people
reason? i don't know

i truly believe that for each decision that you choose in life,
it closes one path of life, but at the same time, it always open the other path for you to walk on
there is always a path that leads you further, just that its never a same path as others

Sometimes giving up in life makes you find something even better to cure your misery
by giving up, you closes a path that you want to go and at the same time, open another path that cure you out of misery

then there is another one

sometimes when you choose not to give up and continue bearing the misery, you get something in life that you wanted to achieve
by not giving up, you close a path for any other chances of pulling you out of your misery life and towards a even better life than now, but at the same time, you opened a path that you always longed to cross, a path that will too, cure your misery.

there, the last one

same scenario, you chooses not to give up and continue bearing the misery, however, you dont get what you want in the end.
by not giving up, you closed paths for any chances of pulling out of misery and maybe towards a better life, then you failed, another path closed for you.
there, you sat there alone in the corner, unsure of what to do, aimless and nothingness.
will you believe that a path will open for you?

life, how weird can it get?


recently, this sentence kept appearing in my senses
people say it, people wrote it, i hear it, i see it and i thought of it.

"If you really love someone, let it go. if it comes back to you, its yours. if it never, then it never was yours in the first place"

will you agree with this sentence?

i've been debating with myself twice in my life
recently, and way before
recently, i used myself and my current life as an example to the statement
i realise i couldnt agree with this statement
i know the problem why and totally know what i should do in life
to give up on it
but i couldnt
in the end, i have to lie to myself by rebutting this sentence with others i've seem to seen it in my life

"If you really love that someone, then you shouldn't even be letting go or think of letting go."
"Chances doesn't come as and when it likes"
"Miracles are created by humans themselves"
"You'll never know what will happen to you tomorrow"

there always have 2 ends to things, opposites of life, an angel and a devil, a hero and a villain.
they co-exist with one another, without the other, they can't be what they are.


i wish i had better skills in entertaining people and making people laugh.

i feel like creating a mechanism that could could see and access your thoughts immediately.
i wont mind sacrificing one eye for it.
i just want to understand you more and what you are thinking inside
open it up and grant me the access, will you?

Soledad.
By: Westlife
Album: Coast to Coast

If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
There's an image of your face
And once again I come I'll relise
You're a loss I can't replace

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory live on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Walking down the streets of nothingville
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It has come to be
I would give my life away
If it could only be the same
Cause I can't still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory live on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

Time will never change the things you told me
After all we're meant to be love will bring us back to you and me
If only you could see

Soledad
It's a keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Why did you leave me
Soledad
In my heart you were the only
And your memory live on
Why did you leave me
Soledad

unselfish love, does something like that even exist?
heard of anybody who could do that?
i don't think so.
other than actors in the movies and dramas..

well, tomorrow's my first paper, and i arent even anxious about it
i am thinking how i am suppose to study
well, maybe i will have a nap after my dinner then wake up in the middle of the night to study?
probably i can concentrate better during those times when everybody is sleeping
thinking back, thats how i study for my 'o' levels

remember the times when i studied for my 'o's
i was so hardworking
i feel anxious, excited bout it
but now, i dont even feel anything
perhaps i've already have no interest in studies

seems like my blog's kinda of emo.]
well, lets post something more happy
it appears that the new ipod touch is out
and believe it or not, i have a temptation to buy it
and not buying 1, but 2?
dont ask me why 2, i wont answer
or maybe an iphone 4 for myself with my current ipod touch 3g and another?

money is never a thing i cared about so much in my life
i mean, i do care in terms of getting my pay
but in terms of spending it, i wont think twice
as long as i spend on something relevant
if i bought something expensive, there is a reason in it
i wont find anything expensive and just buy it for the sake that its expensive

every incident makes me thought of you deeper
i forgot my worries and my responsibilities
i wish for things to go on running
lets make it to the finishing line steadily, hand in hand

grab me, and i'll hold you tight.